The last ten years passed really fast. It did something to me, it turned me from a self depreciating aimless,clueless 15 yr old to a focused and slightly wiser man of 25 years. You may think all is for the good, but it never is. As I analyze what I have lost and gained over the last ten years, I think the pros and cons balance each other.
I have a well defined idea of what I want in life and how do I go about getting it. Is this a blessing, this great capability of choosing and following one’s own dream? 10 years ago, when I was a clueless 15 yr old dozing to sleep with a smile on my face fancying the girl I would one day meet, I did not care how many hours I slept,I never had insomnia,never dreaded as days passed because I was not achieving my personal targets. Even though I was the class clown, had hardly any respect, never wooed a girl, I was enjoying the ride, I knew great things would come. My hopes were infinite and the dreams soared high. Nothing could hold me down.
As I graduated from high school, reality hit me harder than most people. By 20, most of the dreams I had never came true. I never got into IIT, never had a girl friend till I was 22, never was as popular as I was in high school. I realized, these were not dreams I had, just some image of what the ideal life should lie ahead. I was hoping endlessly while being protected by a bubble of security in high school. Painfully as the years passed, I slowly learned to adapt my dreams to set more realistic targets. They say teenage years are hard but I think my young adult phase was the toughest in the my life. Faced with bitter and harsh reality I suffered from disillusion, insomnia, low self esteem and the worst of all depression.
Life was not all sunshine and rainbows as I had expected. I was the happy go lucky guy but the world hates that guy and crushes him down to such a state that he cannot dream anymore. I am afraid to say that I have lost the ability to dream, the ability to think about the far future and expect all wonderful things. You learnt that once you did not get into the IITs and later the IIMs no body including your own parents stop respecting you. When the people closest to you give up on you, its just hard to go ahead. You spend the rest of your life in silence working hard just to convince them that you have also made it on your own in your own world.
It was easy to make people laugh in high school, with your jokes and practical jokes but then you realize its close to impossible to make a girl go out with you. You are neither tall, nor that good looking, nor does your major offer an immediate glamorous job. You think you knew all about relationships from watching “Friends” but thats a very bad mistake. You see how ugly relationships can get with fights, cheating and mental warfare.
When you are 21, you think all hope is lost. The world as you know it is gone and maybe a lil alcohol will help because hey, it does help to to have a anxiety less sleep once in a while. Now this goes on a lil too much and soon your panting while trying to catch a bus or puking the whole day because you drank too much the night before. Someone gave you the stupid idea, that it is realistic for a medium height indian guy with no money at all to meet girls at a bar or a disco.
You are 22 now and completely disillusioned. You have mostly given up on everything and you try everything harmful possible. You are neck deep with education loans and you think that what you will do after graduation will have nothing to do with the education you had. Everything falling apart, your grandparents are growing old and dying and you regret that you did not have the time to go and tell them how much you loved them. You hardly get any sleep at night, anxious about your future. You are weak,fat,insomiac and in simple words sad.
You decide to take a long walk by yourself and decide twice about life. You think about the advice your parents gave to you when you were a kid that hard work was necessary for everything and not always the fruits of the labor will come immediately. You resolve in your mind that you will try harder, not seek refuge in drinking and try to make an effort to improve your life. You decide to do whatever it takes to make a complete turn around. In a little corner of your heart, there is still some hope that things can be good.
Soon things start changing for the better. People recognize your efforts and praise you and respect you. You are not panting anymore, you are fit and efficient. The girl of your dreams starts taking a fancy to you and before you know it she is your girlfriend. You are the job you dreamed about as a kid when you were making cameras out of shoe boxes and pinholes. You are 25, you can dream again all you needed was a little hope, some determination and 10 years to learn about reality.


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