As a middle class Indian child in the 80s and 90s in India without the economic boom and those days where people drank coffee only at home and not in some fancy cafe, your parents make you believe the world is a real tough place. Strangely they also do have very high expectations of you due to some irrational sparks of genius they might have seen in you as an infant. Here are what they expect of you(this list is not completely mine and my friend Kaushic also contributed to it…some of it may not have been even expected of me since my parents gave up on me early)
Holidays are for studying: Unfortunately when I was a kid, people had not started taking the term “Holidays” or “Vacation” seriously. School did not help either in because in its infinite wisdom used to put a test just after the holidays. The school i went to had thursdays and sundays off. Till I was 16, thursdays and sunday mornings were for mugging up history and geography. I got so disgusted studying “revolt of 1857″ or “Vasco da gama” or how “There was a great bathhouse in Indus Valley” that my history marks always touched 40s. Later when I grew older these only two days off transformed into dreadful dark moments of mugging up organic chemistry. Unfortunately our parents never realized that these 2 days in the week are for having fun. Well then there was the added horror of holiday homework (350 sums) for sumer holidays attempting to turn us into einsteins and the horrible essays trying to describe your trip.
Misery….good….fun ….bad!!: Somehow in the struggle to struggle against other struggling students , fun (which is the essence of childhood and happiness) is frowned upon as a really bad thing. Parents like the matrix make us believe “Fun is for later when you are established in life”. So basically when you are 35 (average age an Indian parents believe that their son is established), your have started balding, you have a drinking problem and you have a nagging wife with a credit card and a kid who seems he wont even make it to secondary school, you are supposed to “have fun”. I actually believed (after the intense brainwashing) the more miserable I am , the more successful Ill become. This is made worse by stories of the guy next door getting up at 4 am to study everyday. I mean which over achieving dick gets up at 4 even before the crows to study “The Human Digestive System” or “Soil Erosion”.
Life is one bootcamp after the other: Remember the first time you were dragged into a drawing class with a drawing book bigger than you. That started it all and did not stop for the next 16 years when your parents realized you will never be Picasso. But these traumatic 16 yrs are filled with drawing class, singing class, violin lessons, guitar lessons , cricket lessons and the very traumatic swimming lessons where you are in a toxic pool with 200 other kids(30% of whom are puking or peeing discreetly into the water). If they only realized that their kid is only become the standard guy like their father whose only occasional exercise is picking up the remote control and complaining about carpal tunnel syndrome they can might as well relieve us from the torture we go through.
Life is about becoming an Engineer and then getting an MBA degree: I was made to believe that I was most suited to be an engineer. So was 60 million kids in my generation who knew that engineering is the only way to a respectable life your parents can be proud of. My parents still think I should have studied computer science worked in tcs and had a safe and secure life(aka feel like takign a gun and shooting myself as I redundantly do the job as a database “watever”). MBA degree even leads to a greater glory and that when your dad even comes and says “Im proud of you.” The problem is out of the 60 million indian kids in my generation there are possible 10 thousand seats in respectable places and the rest just die trying.
Be asexual till you get engaged: Having a normal sexual urge before you are engaged is a crime and having urges when you are teenager is punishable by death. Same as all the fun goes, we are expected to have “fun” only when we are established. A man kinda reaches his sexual peak when he is 15 years old but they expect you to wait for at least 12 yrs more when you get married to a woman who will only have sex with you on alternate saturdays . And flirting is only approved after youa re engaged.
Be friendly to a shit load of relatives: Consequence of our bloody high birth rate is that we have tons of relatives and there is some lame ass cousin getting married to some unfortunate girl and thus a terrible wedding to go to. You cant go to a wedding and be yourself(specially me) cos you will let down the entire family if you eat too much, talk too much ,breathe too much or do any bloody thing you do everyday. Then there will be this huge huge crowd of old people you dont even know and who wont even rememebr you. I have aunts goin “so your in class 12 now is it??”.
My old friend, a fellow geek working at Adobe asked me to start a series which discusses mainly geek issues and problems like a Cosmopolitan for geeks. So I decided to start with the first one Geek 2 Geek: Asking Women out. Contradictory to the popular belief that we can survive on movies and Xbox and an occasional Jenna Jameson, we do sometimes need a girl in our lives. So my friend facing the crisis, came to me. Although we are prejudiced by the general population, I do manage to successfully ask several girls out and I am still learning and getting better at it.
Asking girls out is a three step process. Choosing the girl, asking her out and asking her out the second time. I ll be honest, I have been only successful at the first two, usually it just phases out and I don’t feel like asking her out again. Anyway lets go over it step by step.
Background Training:
Lets think about it. Women are human too. Just like we wont go out with a girl with whiskers, they wont go out with a guy with untidy razor sharp beard and a dirty head of hair. The picture above is of Napolean Dynamite, if you dont know who he is, stop pretending to be a geek and stop reading this. Napolean Dynamite and Bill Gates got lucky. Lets not leave things to luck. Hippies can pull off long hair,we cant , lets not even try. A basic hygiene standard is also easy to adopt,brushing our teeth , two showers a day , shaving so that you don’t keep scratching.
Being fat does not help. More and more of us geeks are heading to the gym now days. A simple 3 days at the track running and 3 days in the gym gives us enough endorphins and self confidence to stand in front of a woman.
Education wise,we dont have to worry. We will end up earning more than anyone else, just that now is not the time. Also we dont have bad habits of drinking and smoking which women detest.
Choosing the girl:
Lets face it we will be rejected. The most important point I learn t is that not to take it personally. As the Art of War guy says “If you wait long enough,the corpses of your enemies will float by you.” What cannot be attained must be ignored. Most of the time it will turn out that its a problem with the girl and she suffers low self esteem and she has to go out with a loser to feel secure about herself(I swear they have confessed to me). So if you ignore her long enough after she snuffed you, she will be back to you in no time. Women find men who ignore them very attractive, just dont go too cocky and offensive which is sometime my problem.
Lets try to minimize the getting rejected probability and as per investment banking terms “Lets diversify our portfolio to decrease risks”. So stop putting your eggs in one basket, Im sure you like more than one girl. Just ask them all out at the same time. Atleast one of them will say yes and you wont feel bad. The first rejection is very demoralizing. Avoid it at all cost.
Avoid girls who have too many friends and too much of a social life. Lets face the truth,you don’t have much of a social life because you have real pursuits and do not need the company of people to feel important. Girls with too many friends and social life and those who cannot just stop talking about “how much fun they had at their friends party” solely believe that “quantity is way more important than quality”. They get much more satisfaction just being around a ton of people rather than actually having meaningful conversation with anyone.
Avoid girls who want to get married and are above the age of 24. They are using the “Husband measuring tape” on you and both ways you lose. If you know this girl likes posing at wedding photos and gets excited organizing weddings and going to them, you are in for a “Ready to Wed” girl. They can be one of the least fulfilling of conversation partners.
Avoid girls who dont respect geeks and think MBAs or anyone from finance are the ultimate human beings. They are programmed to like boring people.
Whats left: Lets face it we have avoided a ton of people. But this is the homework you have to do before you can get down to the field and not be dissapointed.
Asking her out:(The very very Important part)
The most useful thing I have learn t that girls wont go out with strangers. Its only in the movies that girls are charmed by a stranger and just start going out with them. So even before you drop a hint that you want to ask her out, build some familiar ground to make her feel comfortable.
Try finding out if you have anything common with her. Chances are she also likes watching “House MD”. If you dont have anything common with her, dont fake it. Just walk away. Faking it never walks because you think she will like you and then you can change her to be like you and that never works.
If you know what kind of movies she likes, just state it loudly that you are planning to watch it and that you like it so much that you dont mind watching it alone. 9/10 chances the girl will sigh and say she wants to watch it but has no one to watch it with. Just play along and ask her to join you.
If you are really really scared in asking someone out, use sms or email. I know its a pathetic thing to do but it lets you organize your thoughts and u wont back out that easily.
If you suggest to a girl about meeting up somewhere and she refuses, dont push it. Just wait for somedays, if she dosent bring it up again, abandon the field and go to greener meadows.
Try asking out a girl who likes you already. Lets face it , we may be able to solve quantum mechanics problems or setup a grid network of Xboxes but we are not good enough to convince a girl who does not like us to like us. So if u are getting a hint that a girl is over friendly and interested in you, she is your next girl of interest.
Don’t meet random girls who you know through internet. Its a very very bad idea.
Coffee is a good idea for meeting fellow female geeks. They all love coffee. Remember to order latte for her.
If possible try to subtly show a quality in you which is not geek like. It might be artistic musical or you might be just plain funny. If you are funny 80% of the work is done. Women love to go out with funny guys because they are uplifting and kill any discomfort. Just dont mock people.
I know the first step can be very hard. Just take it easy and go ahead because end of the day you have nothing to lose.
I ll have to say I did not hold much hope for the incredible hulk movie. I accept its Edward Norton and I have not seen a single disappointing movie from him since I have known him. But the fact is there is so little you can do with the hulk. He becomes the green monster involuntarily and then walks up shirtless and torn pants. Its not iron man with wise mouth or batman with his cool car and gadgets. The disappointing fact is that when Bruce Banner becomes the hulk, he is as intelligent as a gorilla. So its basically a big green strong gorilla with the hots for Dr. Elizabeth Ross.
The movie starts in Brazil with a lot of bourne type chase over third world rooftops. There was this pretty Brazilian girl for few moments of whom I would have liked to see more. Then there is Tim Roth(who is 5″ 7) as an unconvincing bad ass soldier who is also very very very un toned and skinny. Edward Norton turned out to be really thin to( US recession really reaching super heroes then).
There is hardly any extraordinary change of flow in this movie,nothing that we already did not know of. Tim Roth turns into this uglier version of the hulk(no name given) and wants a god fight. So the hulk fights him but defeats him and just the moment when I think he will choke the Abomination to death,he jumps and leaves us disappointed. He is later shown to be in Canada , running around like rocky and meditating till he finally gains control of the power.
THINGS I LIKED:
Edward Norton plays Bruce Banner intelligently. Funny scene when he and Liv Tyler were making out and the pulse rate monitor starts beeping and he tells her “I cannot get excited”.
The Brazilian chic in the movie. According to IMDB her name is Débora Nascimento.
A more realistic looking hulk over 2003’s fluorescent green clay model hulk.
A proper opponent rather than tanks and helicopters.
Incredible stretchy fiber pants of Bruce Banner. Even if he grows 10 times his original size, the pants still remain.
Tim Roth as an moderately fine enemy. I really don’t get why villains in the movie have to be given long monologues about how great they are.
THINGS I DID NOT LIKE:
Wasting a total hottie like Liv Tyler. Ever since I had noticed her in the Aerosmith “Crazy” video and wanted to be in the car between her and Alicia Silverstone I dont like it when people dont use her to her full potential.
Hulk still not realistic enough.
Fight between Abomination and Hulk too short. They are basically really skinny men.
I’m sorry I cannot forget about the Indiana Jones movie. It’s like something you have been waiting all your life and it comes right up and crushes your spirit with something disappointing from the beginning of the movie itself. Since I wrote its ridiculous to escape from a nuclear explosion by staying in a lead covered fridge, I am gonna prove why its so. These are the two ridiculously non scientific things i noticed at the beginning of the movie.
NUKE THE FRIDGE aka Escaping from a nuclear blast using a lead lined fridge:
Friends of mine are “dissing” me because they think the fact that Indy Jones escaped from a nuclear blast in a lead lined fridge is totally possible because its “Lead lined”.
Lets lay out the facts right, the simulated town near the nuclear blast was around 500m from the epicenter of the blast. Since we know that at the epicenter of a nuclear blast (fission for argument’s sake for all skeptics) becomes millions of degrees hot lets assume the temperature around the fridge was at least tens of thousand degrees. Lead protects you from radiation but not high temperature because its simple melts at 600 C and the steel around it melts around 1400 C. Indy along with the lead and steel of the fridge would have been vaporised. For funs sake , this is what he would look like if the lead had melted with him inside(courtesy empire strikes back….)
USING GUNPOWDER TO FIND THE ALIEN ATRIFACT:
Remember the scene where Indy was throwing gun powder high into the air (not the shotgun pellets) and they were being attracted to alien coffin because it was so highly magnetic. Science 101,gunpowder is a mixture of charcoal,sulfur and salt petre(KNO3) none of them remotely being magnetic. It was ridiculous how he was using them as a magnetic field detector.
Synopsis: James McAcvoy stars as a novice assassin in the a fraternity of assassins so good that they can bend bullets and pull off matrix like stunts. Also stars Angelina Jolie as his really hot trainer and interest in the movie. Also stars Morgan Freeman.
Incredible Hulk
Synopsis: After “Brokeback Mountain” director officially screwed up the last Hulk movie starring Eric Bana, they decided to give it another shot at it this time starring Edward Norton and Liv Tyler. I would watch the movie solely because Edward Norton always does good movies. Also the Hulk is against something big called the Abomination and the fight can be seen in lot of trailers everywhere.
The Dark Knight
Synopsis: This is the movie I have been waiting for a long time. This movie follows the last movie starring Christian Bale again as Batman. It is supposed to be way more grimy and dark than the previous movie pitting batman against a real enemy like the joker. It also explains the origin of two face from Harvey Dent. Katie Holmes’ character has been replaced by Maggie Gyllenhaal.
The Love Guru
Mike Myers is back in a crazy character called Pitka, the love guru from India. Although the movie will be logic less and be ultimate crap it would be really enjoyable to watch like the Austin Powers movie. It also stars Jessica Alba.
Tropic Thunder
This is one crazy movie if you check the trailer. Ben stiller stars in this action comedy with Jack Black and wait for it……Robert Downey jr as a black guy. The trailer looks pretty funny and I would watch it anyway.
Mummy 3
Brendan Frasier is back in this movie unfortunately without Rachel Weisz. This movie is set in china and stars Jet Li as the mummified dragon emperor. Bound to have a ton of Kung fu in it with the usual cast of Jet Li and Michelle Yeoh in it. If you have watched the first 2 movies, just watch this anyway.
HellBoy II
I cant say that HellBoy I was an outstanding movie. It was alright but hellboy 2 looks pretty impressive with its trailer and its directed by “Pan’s Labyrinth” director, De Toro. I like the steampunk looks of all the Hellboy movies and there looks like there is substantial action in it.
Hancock
Will Smith turns out as a defective superhero with a drinking problem. The trailer looks impressive enough specially the scene where he throws a beached whale into the sea. Also stars Charlize Theron and Jason Bateman.
I should really say that we are lucky now days to see movies like Rocky,Star Wars and Indiana Jones on the big screen. Indiana Jones returns on the big screen after almost two decades with the latest movie “Kingdom of the crystal skulls”.
Movie synopsis:
Movie starts with Russian soldiers taking over area 51 to get hold of a alien body from the remains of the Roswell crash in 1947. This is followed by a Hydrogen Bomb explosion that Indy mysteriously survives by staying in a fridge. The FBI thinks he is working for the Russians and he loses his position in the university where he taught.
Shia Le beouf introduces himself in this point as a Fonzie like character who is looking for his professor who happens to be the friend of Indy’s. Her mother turns out to be Indy’s gf from the first movie. It will turn out later that Shia is Indy’s son.
The adventure shifts to South America where they discover the kingdom of the crystal skull. The skull turns out to be belonging to an alien who as soon as it gets the skull takes off in a space ship.
Things I liked about the movie:
Watching a very long larger than life adventure movie whose long length makes paying for the ticket satisfactory
Its an Indy movie which brings back nostalgia specially with the theme music and the fedora hat and the whip. There are tons of references to the previous movies like pictures of Sean Connery on the desk, Indy’s gf from the first movie, the Arc stored in area 51.
Cate Blanchett is convincing as a Russian agent and her saying” Ull find it for me”. I liked her cold looks and her hair.
Indy movies are always larger than life but surviving a nuclear explosion in a fridge, swinging from tree to tree with monkeys,Shia Le Beouf as an unconvincing tough guy.
Unnecessary things like the space ship taking off and cheesy stuff like the treasure they were looking for was “knowledge “
A very very old and stiff Indy. He seemed stiffer than any other old men present there. He ain’t swashbuckling anymore.
An unconvincing Shia Le beouf as a successor for Indy.
Overall I did not like the movie. Found it uninteresting and wouldn’t think much of it.
Lately me and some friends have been watching regularly this sitcom called Big Bang theory. Story of two physicists living next to a really pretty normal girl. They also have two other nerdy friends, a horny russian guy and a indian computer geek who cant talk in front of girls. The creators of the show have made the show catered to the masses’ imagination of physicists as socially inept creatures(most of us are actually are) and their unusual reactions to common social situations. Anyway I have posted below some good scenes from the sitcom.
The last one is the theme song in case anyone likes the song by Bare Naked Ladies.
1)We like talking about either string theory or quantum theory:
What distinguishes us from rest of the general population are at least 4 mind grueling courses in quantum mechanics and perhaps one in quantum field theory. (actually I have an added credit of knowing quantum computation and quantum electrodynamics). Anyone who has gone through all these courses will come out with no respect for anything else in the world because these things are so bloody tough. Basically people ask me what “quantum” is all about. The explanation is simple, when you restrict a particle in a tiny confined space, instead of having a range of energy like a particle in free space has , its energy can only attain discrete states or “quantized” states. Similarly energy per photon is discrete and is called a quanta. Anyway since we have spent so much bloody time in learning and mastering quantum theory we like to talk about it. Some theorists push the crazy boundary to go on and dedicate their entire life to string theory, where tons of other dimensions come in.
2) We are bad with women:
I would say only half of its true. You can be bad with women if u choose to not do anything about it. It’s not just physicists but any person working in a predominantly male environment like an offshore oil rig or in the army turns out this way. I know some of the physicists who work even on saturdays and sundays and others who are getting laid thrice a week with three different women because if you are kinda normal and have other skills except physics the physicist thing turns out to be a real chick magnet.
3) We own X-boxes:
I own an X box. I rest my case.
4) We are fussy about tiny details:
Absolutely true. You can’t tell us something and then go away without supplying the proof behind it. This is how our conversations takes place, this is how we explain to our supervisors that some result we are showing him is not dubious. So if we are talking to you, you better supply us with the evidence.
5) We are not very social creatures:
The smarter and smarter you get it gets very difficult for us to engage and enjoy conversations with normal people. Normal people, mediocrity is a boon, because you can find a million people around you just like you and you can have a very enjoyable conversation with them. Unlike us, in the middle of the conversation you wont feel like going off to sleep because you find the conversation or the group really really dumb. So we tend to stay amongst ourselves and be happy.
