BUS
Bus rides in india(specially in summer) is perhaps what inspired Stephen King to start writing his novels. Despite the frantic prayer to God everyday morning for a good day, the fattest and the sweatiest man will squeeze next to you on the bus everyday and the bus accelerating and braking(and occasionally running over some one,trust me its more often than you think) will make the disgusting man share his sweat with you. When you get down from the bus(narrowly avoiding an auto), you’ll look like the guy who had just been asked to pick up the soap in prison.
Buses in Singapore are like 500 times better yet not perfect due to the collection of few characters on board them.Thankfully air con in the equitorial humidity,I believe some people ride it just because they cant afford to have an air con at home.
Buses seem to be absolutely packed in the early morning which is a popular time for school goin kids with their backpacks which weigh more than them(and they said ants are strong) and strangely old ladies with sharp umbrellas. I dont know why these old grandmas get up in the morning dress up and get on to the bus to terrorize people with the thought of being impaled by their sharp umbrellas. Like old, dying lioness they protect their seats, poking holes in you if you by mistake step into their territory. In spite of being in their 60s, they are faster than cheetas in locating a seat and sitting on it, i think they already mastered teleportation. Rain or shine, these old ladies are there on the bus around 7 on their journey to no where even making the biggest man on the bus sweat and hide behind a seat.
The kids with their overweighed bags keep bumping against you with such ferocity when they are getting down with their potato sacks at sensitive areas that you feel like going on your knees and shouting “God, take me away right now.” If you think the issue of spine problems for kids is not good enough to justify lighter backs think about the infertility is causing among grown ups by getting bumped by these several tonned sack in sensitive areas. No wonder the birth rate of the country is declining.
The Haitians use vodoo to turn a dead person into a zombie…a creature with no sense, no emotion, unperturbed by disturbances, just dragging itself along with no rhyme or purpose. Modern Mp3 players do the same. Early morning , you see people holding on to a support sleeping while their headphones are blasting music so loud that you start wondering why you bothered buying your ipod. Then there are these people throughout the day (the Mp3 zombies) with their lowered heads, moaning mouths, cloudy eyes just staring into the blankness as they all rock together with the bus. Be there an explosion next to them, be there Godzilla picking up the bus with its teeth, these zombies wont batter an eyelid.
Like the world is divided into light and darkness, the commuters are divided into “starers” and “do ers”. Starers are the one who stare happily outside the window, strangely enjoying the same road they see over and over again everyday. Maybe there is a dog standing next to the lamppost today which they didnt see yesterday or a tree is missing a leaf which they will notice. Other on is the “doer” who is doing something. Usually its a fat girl messaging someone on her phone(someone equally fat i presume, on a similar bus being observed by a person like me) or the thin fashionable girl with a book called “Does my ass look fat? and other stories”.
MRT
MRT or Mass Rapid Transport is what metro is to other cities. Its Rapid and unfortunately it has mass appeal.
During rush hour if you stand near the gates of an incoming train , you will get caught in this massive wave of people trying to get in and when you have no where to run, you will be sandwiched between the two of the most disgusting people in the world while you ‘ll notice some pretty girl a stone’s throw away and wonder why you are never sandwiched by her. During rush hour, you are so close to people(unwillingly) that to pass time you’ll start identify by smell which hair product and soap they use. Or you can pass your time by reading what other people are texting. If you are near Business area there are always these middle aged bankers or something looking worriedly at the stocks on their iphone, evening time there are these over dressed secreteries bitching through sms about how their boss is a MCP and some guy never asks her out.And as always there is the fat girl messaging her friend,(i never read it but probably about how fast she can eat a sack full of potatoes.)
MRT rides are educational in sense the announcement in 4 languages (english,mandarin,malay and chinese) get to you in the end and before you know it, you already know the Malay word for “danger” and the Tamil word for “Yellow”. Its not like you want to but its goes into you subconcious and one day you will sleep walk into the MRT shouting the announcements.
MRT gates are scary because it consists of two slamming red triangles designed again by some cruel man near your privates. Every time I go through them, the slamming sound sends shivers down my spine and I end up protecting my privates like during a football free kick. Anyone who takes a lot of MRT will be deemed impotent because everytime he passes through these, his privates will shrink and pass out and that cannot be good for your sperm count.
